


how it feels to be young

by hexburn (thestormapproaches)



Series: how many idiots does it take to screw each other | LoLRPF [2]
Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: Domestic Boyfriends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Long-Distance Relationship, Loss, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sadge, Talking, crownCozy, failure - Freeform, ratirlCozy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:07:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26225404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thestormapproaches/pseuds/hexburn
Summary: Well, Jus's dreams of making it to Worlds are done, and Anton's dreams of watching his boyfriend play at Worlds are done. 3-0. That's that.They'll have to make their own dreams of time together in the offseason, instead.
Relationships: Juš "Crownshot" Marušič/Anton "RATIRL"
Series: how many idiots does it take to screw each other | LoLRPF [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1886305
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	how it feels to be young

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to streamer hell, enjoy your stay ^^  
> i'll try to compile some clips, etc, shipping material and stuff to bring you all on board the ratirl/crownshot ship! for now, enjoy this silly rarepair <3  
> title from [Feels Great, by Cheat Codes](https://youtu.be/e0qM84DWXzA)

The loss is heartbreaking, to be honest - it feels awful to be knocked out of playoffs with an easy 3-0, to be utterly destroyed and dismantled by the victors, and it feels even worse when Anton is stuck in a call with Dom and some player’s girlfriend talking about porn while he just wants to chat about the game and vent his anger and sadness and hurt. Anton doesn’t even have the heart to make a dick joke about Zazee’s name or even to flame Trick for his jungling.

He’s just too sad.

And as awful as he feels, Anton knows Jus could only feel worse.

Resolutely, Anton bids his fellow live-viewers goodnight, then sends his viewers off with a few words of consolation, then ends his stream and runs his hands through his now shoulder-length hair with a sigh. He fires off a quick message to Jus with love and support, thinking he’ll see nothing of his fellow ADC until tomorrow, when the sting of defeat has dulled its blade ever so slightly.

But instead of the dismissal Anton expected, the Discord dial tone echoes through his headset, and Anton’s mouse reflexively clicks accept on Jus’s call.

“Heeeeeeeeeeey, Raaaaaaaaat,” Jus drawls, sounding intoxicated beyond belief.

“Jus, babe,” Anton asks, immediately worried, “are you drunk?” He’s a lightweight, having little to no experience with alcohol, and if Jus is drunk then there’s something seriously wrong, and Anton needs to call someone as soon as possible.

“Only a little,” Jus answers, doing absolutely nothing to calm Anton’s worries. “Just enough to make the pain go away.”

“Pain?” What pain? Did he hurt himself, accidentally or... otherwise? Oh God, Anton is going to have to call a fucking ambulance from Sweden, this is so not going to end well.

“Paaaaaain,” Jus singsongs. “Yeah.” He giggles lightly, but it doesn’t sound sweet or happy at all, just broken.

“Are you hurt?” Anton asks worriedly, plugging in and turning on his webcam in the hopes that it will provoke Jus into turning on his own, with the side benefit of letting Anton see if Jus is okay.

“Mmmno. It’s yust paaaaain,” Jus says again, sounding higher than a kite. At least he turns on his phone camera - the wrong one at first, so he spends a bit fumbling around to get the selfie cam so Anton can actually see him. Once he gets it, though, Anton’s gaze immediately locks onto the wet sheen in Jus’s pale hazel eyes and the red flush on his cheeks. Well, he’s either been crying or chugging vodka like there’s no tomorrow. As Anton stares at him, Jus giggles awkwardly.

“Juuuus,” Anton chides, not going to pressure Jus about the teariness, “how much did you drink?”

“Nothing,” Jus says, sober in an instant. “I don’t drink, I told you.”

“Well, by the way you’re acting I wasn’t sure,” Anton grumbles disapprovingly.

“I’m not drunk,” says Jus firmly, knowing Anton is simply worried about him. “Having some serious nicotine cravings, though.”

“There’s a reason you quit, Jus.” Mostly for health, Anton knows, and partially because he hated being addicted, but Anton would like to think that the threat of withholding kisses is also effective.

“I know,” Jus says with a sigh, “I wasn’t going to smoke again. I promise.”

“Good. Smoking is nasty.” Anton makes a face at the camera with his tongue out and a pout written in his eyebrows, and he happily accepts his reward of a little smile on Jus’s face. It’s not much, but it’s still rewarding to see Jus smile. “And I’m not kissing you if you smoke again.” He’s tried cigarettes once, never again. Nasty.

“I know,” Jus murmurs, “Still, it’s not like you can kiss me anyway. You’re literally like two thousand kilometers away.”

“Yeah, but I have cars,” Anton retorts with a shrug, “so the distance doesn’t matter. As soon as I get on the Autobahn -  _ tchoom!” _ He hopes the silly signature noise will make Jus laugh more.

It doesn’t quite get a full smile, but Jus huffs a half-laugh at him, so it’s better than nothing. “Anton,” says Jus with a fond smile, “you’re going to hurt yourself one of these days.”

“Actually, I’m a very responsible driver,” Anton answers with a proud grin.

“Suuuure you are,” Jus mutters with a sarcastic eye-roll.

“I am! I’ll take you for a drive when I visit you,” Anton promises. “We can go to the zoo!”

“Alright, alright,” Jus concedes, “we’ll go to the zoo,” and Anton’s heart swells ever so slightly with happiness.

“What do they have at the Berlin zoo?”

“I don’t know, I’ve never been there,” Jus murmurs, flopping back onto what appears to be his bed in the background. “I think they have a lot of cool birds, like hawks and falcons and stuff.”

“Well, I don’t wanna see the birds!” Anton protests in his most exaggerated, silly, comical voice.

“What? Why not?”

“They’ll eat me!” Anton says with a grin.

“Huh?”

“I’m a rat!”

And just as Anton wanted, Jus breaks into giggles, the uncontrollable kind, the kind that only come when there is such stupidity that you can’t be normal around it any more and simply must laugh. “You’re such an idiot, Anton,” Jus stammers between spurts of laughter.

“I’m your idiot,” Anton retorts with a smile. “Hey, imagine everyone’s faces when we roll up in the Corvette and step out and we’re two skinny nerds.”

“Would be pretty funny,” Jus chuckles. “You in some scuffed hoodie and me with all my acne.”

“Just a cutie, a rat, and a sexy car,” Anton adds.

Jus smiles at him sweetly, lightly, with a smile only slightly wider than nothing at all, but it’s still enough to make Anton smile in return.

“Got any plans for the off-season?” Anton asks after the moment has passed and his heart has reduced its pounding, earth-shattering love for Jus into a more manageable, occasional skip of a beat.

“Not really,” Jus sighs. “I played in a regional tournament with the academy squad last offseason...”

“Oh, that sounds fun... I guess?” Sounds like work, if Anton is being honest, but Jus is one of those people who likes working, so Anton doesn’t question it. They have a good handful of differences, and that’s what makes the love and the Skype sex spicy. Besides, would Jus really be Jus if he didn’t stress over every detail and let Anton distract him whenever they’re together, whether the distraction is duoQ or a movie or a striptease? “So you’ll be busy with that again, then?”

“It’s not that simple,” Jus says, voice monotone with sadness.

Maybe Anton shouldn’t pry at this one. He settles for a quiet, dumb, “oh.”

He wouldn’t say it’s an uncomfortable silence, but the void of noise between them isn’t quite the sweet afterglow kind, either.

“You can come to Sweden after I visit you in Berlin,” Anton says softly. “We can hang out, play games. I can drive you to my house and we’ll go so fast on the Autobahn, the world will fly by.” And you won’t have to be sad, or disappointed, or stressed or upset or angry or anything bad at all, Anton thinks but does not say. It’s obvious, anyway. Besides, he wouldn’t want to get  _ too _ sappy; that’s just not in their nature.

And, as expected, Jus cracks his own joke. “Your room looks like a dungeon, are you trying to trap me?” he teases, and honestly that’s an insult - Anton hung that towel-curtain and installed the door upside-down all on his own, thank you very much!

“Heyyy! It can be  _ our _ dungeon!” he protests, though it’s not so much a protest as an invitation.

But the only answer Anton gets for a few moments is a sigh. “Maybe you should invite Neon instead,” Jus mumbles. “Or Innaxe. If you invite Innaxe I’m not going,” he says, seeming to change his mind, “it’s Innaxe or me.” He pouts at Anton as though Anton has said he wouldn’t rather take Jus over anyone else, any day of the week. “At least technically his team won.”

What the fuck? “Why would I invite Neon?” Anton asks, careful to handle Jus gently at rough times like these.

“Cuz he’s good. Better than me, at least.”

“Oh, Jus.” Anton sighs softly. “Go get a drink of water, baby.”

“Noooooo,” Jus whines, flopping his arms across the bed and making a loud, rustly thump.

“Go get a drink of water!”

“Fiiiiine. Bertho, do we have water?”

Anton furrows his brows while Jus dramatically lifts his arms up and flops them down again. Isn’t Jus home, at his own apartment? He doesn’t have a team house with SK. Right?

Still with confusion pooling in his eyes, Anton stares at the screen while Jus lays there, seemingly waiting for nothing.

“Jus?”

“Mhmm?”

“Did you get water?”

“Oh. No. I’ll go get some,” Jus mumbles, rolling out of bed at last and carrying his phone with him so Anton is along for the ride. He grabs a glass and fills it with tap water, then takes a long drink, and Anton smiles even at such a small way of taking care of Jus.

“Do you feel better now?” he asks quietly.

“It’s yust pain,” Jus says again, softly, taking his phone and returning to his bed, falling into the sheets with a whumpf and setting his phone up against a plushie, maybe the big rat plushie Anton had gifted him a few months ago.

“Aww,” Anton cooes softly. “It’ll be okay, Jus.”

“Thanks.”

“Look, shit happens, alright?” Anton says, determined to help Jus feel better, “and at the end of the day there’s only one winner of LEC and it’s not you.”

“You’re really great at cheering people up, Anton,” Jus says, either dead-pan or brokenly exhausted.

“Hey- Listen to me, I’m not done! So- at the end of the day there’s a ton of people like you, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And a lot of those ADCs don’t even deserve it. Like-” Ah, shit, Anton has no idea who the other ADCs in LEC are. He grasps at straws- “Upset is really good, and Kobbe-”

“Okay, NA ruined Kobbe,” Jus mutters, “don’t try to use that example.”

“Okay, not Kobbe,” concedes Anton. “But Upset is really good-” or at least Anton thinks so? “-and so is... is Patrik, right?” Dom had mentioned Patrik at some point, if Anton remembers correctly. “And even good players have a hard time when their teams aren’t working the best, like- like... like you! Or- Alphari, too, right? Even really good players lose games or lose best-of-fives or miss Worlds or MSI. Because shit happens. And shit happens to everyone.”

“So everyone’s a failure?” Jus says sarcastically.

“Well, if everyone’s a failure, then no one is,” Anton says softly. “And you aren’t, either.”

The silence drags on for only a handful of seconds, but they’re easily the most terrifying seconds of Anton’s life. What if he’s fucked it all up? What if Jus just feels worse, what if Anton has only hurt him instead of soothed the pain he feels?

“You’re gonna make me cry, stop it,” Jus mumbles with a sniffle, and oh God has Anton fucked it up.

“Sorry! Okay, that didn’t work, uhhh... You’re a lion, Jus!” Anton says in his best cheering voice, “you’re a lion!”

“Stop, you idiot- ah, you’re hopeless,” Jus says, still in a quiet mumble with his face buried so deep in his pillows that the cam doesn’t help Anton see what’s going on at all.

“I’m sorry. I made it worse, didn’t I.” Ah, he’s such an idiot.

“No... that was okay,” Jus murmurs. “Thank you, Anton.”

“No problem.” Anton gives Jus his sweetest, kindest smile, hoping he’ll be okay for now and that he isn’t lying when he says Anton hasn’t made his dejection worse.

Jus smiles back just as sweetly, so maybe all is right with the world once more.

“I wasn’t kidding, by the way,” Anton adds a few minutes later. This time, the silence has been comfortable and warm, like a hug and fuzzy blankets after playing in the snow for too long. “You really should come visit me.”

“Why do  _ I _ have to visit  _ you?” _ Jus teasingly grumbles.

“Cuz I’m not bringing all my cars to Berlin,” Anton retorts. “I can bring one so we can go to the zoo but then we have to go to Sweden so I can show you all my cars.”

Jus gives the camera a fond but disbelieving look.

“Come on, I wanna take you for a drive,” Anton says in his most appealing, puppy-eyed voice. “There’s a really nice road close to my house we can go on.”

“Isn’t Sweden really far to drive? I don’t want you to drive for hours and hours, you might get tired and crash,” Jus murmurs, looking concerned as he always does. Isn’t it so cute how he worries for his friends and his boyfriend? Such a stupid man and he still cares for others. Absolutely perfect for Anton.

“I mean, it’s a two-day trip.” Anton isn’t crazy, there’s no way in hell he would drive for 20 hours without a night in-between. “But I’ll stop at a hotel on my way to you, and on the way back we can get a room~” he says flirtatiously. It’s been a long time since they’ve been able to meet and have some quality alone-time together, after all. They’d be able to make good use of a king-sized bed.

“Should we make it a three-day trip? That seems easier on you, with the driving load,” Jus suggests, though Anton doesn’t miss the blush on Jus’s face even in the dim moonlight.

“Alright, alright, three-day trip,” Anton says. “Then we’ll have time for cute little roadstops and restaurants and cuddling in the hotel room.” And other things in the hotel room.

“And we can bring a picnic basket and I’ll pack food for us and we’ll have that picnic we were talking about?” Jus asks hopefully. His smile takes on a dreamy sort of quality, like he’s lost in thought about something he loves, or someone, or doing something with someone he loves.

“Yep,” Anton answers simply.

“That sounds nice. Do you like sandwiches?”

“Sure.” Food is food.

“Okay. I’ll bring us food, then, and you can drive us.”

“And I’ll drive the car so fast you piss yourself,” Anton declares with pride and his words already splitting into giggles, and oh, does Jus brighten up.

“Ack- Anton!” Jus bursts into uncontrollable laughter at the absurdity, just as Anton had intended. He’d do anything to make Jus smile, really, whether it’s inting on Master Yi or Evelynn or carrying Jus’s Yuumi around as Twitch, or times like these, chatting about the little dumb things in life. Quietly, Anton chuckles. It’s late at night for his very early-bird ways, but today he can make an exception to his typical schedule to stay with Jus just a little bit longer.

“I like it when you laugh, Jus. You should do it more often,” he says in a gentle, small voice. He’s tired, after all, but he’s also deeply in love with Jus, and he just wants Jus to be happy and smiley and giggly and dumb and silly and adorable the way Jus always is, the way Anton always is around him.

“I like it when you kiss cam same time I do so it’s like we eKiss, ratirlKiss,” Jus teases back with a giggle that only intensifies as Anton actually kisses his shitty webcam, making its lens even messier and foggier, and just like that, they’re back to their idiot ways.

Things will be alright, after all. Probably much better than alright, once Anton really does visit Jus and bring him home, to rest with warm cuddles and long, lovely drives and kisses and hugs and love.

**Author's Note:**

> for anyone who checked the WIPs document and never saw this coming: sorry, this one was highkey spontaneous


End file.
